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Compliments on appearance are easy to make and they don’t lead to validating the whole little person. I have twin girls that are about to turn four years old. My sister-in-law shared an important thought with me when our daughters, who are only 6 months apart, were very young.

She said that she didn’t want her daughter to think that fixing her hair/painted fingernails/ jewelry or anything else MADE her beautiful, she wanted her to feel beautiful no matter what.

As a father I often compliment my daughters and son because I want to help build self-esteem, be it around their outfit, artwork, politeness or anything else.

I am going to be much more mindful of what I choose to highlight now based on this article.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows. So if a girl (or a boy, for that matter) looks good, tell them so. There’s a fine line between being encouraging and being blind to any faults.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice. Reply I think a critically important point in the article is that the author restrained herself from making her first comment (and compliment) appearance based.

It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger. But, I think it’s important because she dresses for her own satisfaction, and not any particular style that I can discern. She has shirts with peace signs on them, and of course ones with horses. It’s just something she occasionally makes an effort to do. That being said, I agree that it shouldn’t be the first or only topic of conversation. ” and follow it up with “What have you learned recently?

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. You’re just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. She has been featured on Oprah, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, and many more, and she was a nightly panelist on The Insider throughout 2010.But I appreciate the message here, and I hope to integrate this more deeply into our lives daily. Reply I want reply to what you said because I think there is a nuance here that is important.I appreciate what you are saying that your twin girls are beautiful, without adornment like nail polish or accessories.It’s dis-empowering, because it’s not really her accomplishment.It’s training her for a life of being content with gaining prestige from the accomplishments of others (like her potential future spouse), rather than her own achievements.

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